"My War Zone"

Every where I turn.. I am surrounded by what would be your embrass..Never had the chance to feel the comfort of your arms… I am now left with….. everyday…wondering…dreaming of what could have been…

What was it? The question I will be haunted with for the rest of my life… I have never felt so sure of something…. . I have never felt so….taken….

But my whole world came crashing down, when a few days went by.. I did not hear from you..and when a whole week came…I then knew.. my what I thought was “My Meant to Be” “My Fate” was never mine to begin with…

Once again.. I went out with an open heart and an open mind.. with out my Armor.. so now I have fresh wounds that will forever be the scars others will see…

And now as I Start back to my war zone.. building my four walls, and getting suited for my armor..Some will still occasionally see a tear going down my cheek..for I fear.. I will never be able to shake the pain I now carry as a tattoo.. down my entire body..

As I leave off into the battlefield yet again.. I want to leave you with...you were.. the what makes me get up in the morning.. you were the what makes me work harder.. and the what brought the most amazing smile to my face..and I hope and I pray.. you can bring that to the luckiest girl in the world….


*~*Tammy Martina*~*

Taking my passion for a ride

On a daily bases I meet such fun, interesting people.. with so much talent, drive, and Passion… I guess what I am trying to say..is..I’ve finally found something I am envious of.

I’m not an envious type of person.. don’t get me wrong.. but in this last year this time last year.. to be exact.. I have finally found what is my “LOVE” my “PASSION” and I’m finding it pretty hard to turn it into..My life.. my.. what I do..The what I wake up in the morning for… the what puts a smile on my face…

I cannot think for the life of me..what it is I’m letting stop me.. 1) Am I scared of success? 2) Am I letting money get in the way? 3) The usual Negative comments from
My family get in the way of what I feel I want and can do..saying.. “Oh that is too much work.. you’ll never be able to accomplish such a goal!!”


I think it’s a combination of the 3…BUT I want to believe so much that I have the drive, and passion…I know it is there.. I can feel it at the tips of my fingers…about to explode like lightning bolts..It just all came at such a late time in my life.. I am finding my self wishing I can turn back time to when I was 21 again ..and all of this talent, and maturity and the way I see life be right here right now!!

Though sadly I am having to deal with this,,. Right now..this very moment.. I know I have said this a billion times… there is NO MORE.. “Coulda’s” Shoulda’s” or “Woulda’s” It’s now or never.. and I chose Now… No more watching other people live out their dreams.. while I sit and watch and wish…”that were me”

So here’s my promise to my self…and nothing… NOTHING but death will keep me from it.. I will achieve my full goals.. I will put my passion and talent onto the street for everyone to see, and to enjoy…. and to be touched by it, and to make memories.. I have a talent I cannot be selfish with… I’ve brought beautiful tears to many.. and I’m not stopping now…I will put this to the test.. if I fail.. then I failed trying.. and that alone is far better than not trying at all, and wondering for the rest of my life.. “what if.. I had done this.. or that”

Scared or not.. Here I GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*~~*Tammy Martina*~~*

"You are the Tattoo on my Soul"

One more day has passed..that I was unable to see your sweet face…Feels like I have been waiting an entire decade for your return.. Although it has not been that long..I’ve lost time..

The phone rang today..I said hello about 5 times..and there was no one at the other end.. I was worried, it might be you telling me.. you were not coming home to me.. that you found another life, and you wanted me to pretend as if you never existed!!

I fell to my knees..I believe I cried for what felt like two hours…I screamed out so loud..I know the neighbors across the way heard me.. when I wiped the last trinkling tear away..I started to stand.. and all the energy left my entire body..

So for the time you are away.... I am at war…War because I am fighting the thoughts within my heart..that say he may never return…that say…He was never mine to begin with.. I am scared.. I will lose you before I even get the chance to make you fall in love with me…

I hope I am wrong… and I pray you forgive me for these thoughts…for I have never felt this way in my entire life…it’s so powerful at times.. it takes my breath away…and when it returns..tears start to flow… and nothing I do.. makes it subside..


I keep thinking of the walls I had that surrounded me for so long…all it took was your voice.. and they came crashing down…No one..in all my years..could have said one thing to make my walls fall down around me…No matter how hard they tried!!

….and this…this…is only the beginning? These new feelings….are more amazing than I have ever imagined.. they are better than any fairy tale movie I have seen……even better than Cinderella..and That story has made even the strongest at heart shed a tear…

No matter what happens…I just want you….to know… you are forever in my heart…you are the Tattoo on my soul…that will never go away…


Some are brought into your life.. just to pass..and to be forever forgotten.. but there are those who belong to you.. and that..is when you have a Mark…a Mark of LOVE..a mark of LIFE..the TATTOO on your soul.. that says….. “A Higher Power…HAD to know what they were THINKING..”

Forever together.. if not in physical Presence…..A mark on my soul you will forever be!!

Yours truly, and forever,
Tammy Martina

"You are the Tattoo on my Soul"

In a New York Minute

In a New York Minute…It could be all gone…said and done…Not another chance to speak out and say what I should have, could have said..at that very moment..that exact situation..

So before that happens… I am gonna say all the things I’ve been wanting to say…there is not always going to be that second Chance…

As I say all these things…I am going to try not to cry…Not for sadness…but for the relief of knowing…That no matter what happens to me…You will know my every thought my every wish…

So you have to promise.. you will not laugh at some of the things I have to say..for they come from the bottom of my heart..and the pit of my soul…

From the Moment…you said.. “I’d love a chance to get to know you” It was then…I had to see where this would go...Even if it came to an abrupt end.. I want to know.. if the Angles above us knows..something we do not…

I had built walls around me..so high…so strong.. Superman couldn’t even break through…but the moment I heard your voice…those walls came crashing down.. After they came down, I walked out from all the debris and dust…it was then… I knew..a higher power had put us in each others path..and I do not think I will be able to fight this.. to be perfectly honest.. I do not want to…

Every time I look into the mirror…all I can see is you staring back at me…when I lay my head on my pillow at night.. I can feel your warmth beside me,.. whispering into my ear..good night…I hope to see you me dreams…

The question in the back of my mind right now.. is.. Are you too good to be true? Some would say…”What is too good to be true?” I can elaborate and tell you… to good to be true…to me..is when that other person you are falling for is every thing you have always wanted to see.. to hear..to know.. when everything that comes out of their mouth is music to your ears..when a call or a text makes you nervous..and when you imagine standing in front of this person,…there is a feeling of every emotion all at once..that to me.. “Is too good to be true”..

So…if We were to never speak another word…I will be in a place in my life..where I can say.. I have no regrets..of what I should have..could have said to this wonderful person..that to me…is too good to be true..and if I am dreaming..I do not want to wake..

For the day our paths crossed…is a day in my life..that will be forever ingrained into my heart…and imprinted into my soul…

Yours truly,
And forever..
Tammy Martina

I Hope this letter Reaches you.....

As I lay here… I am wondering what this day will bring…Very thankful for one more day… To love…to cherish all those in my life!



I have had the honor of meeting some wonderful people in my life, and I do not know what I would do If I lost some of them…one in Particular…for losing him, would be a steak in my heart…



I cannot fully tell you how difficult this is…To let him in on my Secret…that I wake up thinking of him, and I go do bed thinking of him, would be un-heard of…and to be honest.. I cannot tell anyone this secret…I will have to hold it…forever



So what I am going to do is write a letter and put it in a bottle send it down the ocean…and hope…and pray it reaches him…. It would say something like this…..



…..Dear…Mr. Wonderful…



As I wake in the morning with the beautiful sun and warmth of the day, I wish you were lying next to me, so that I could lean over and kiss you good morning, and ask if you slept well…



As I step into the shower, while washing my hair, I wish you were breathing down my neck as you wash my back..and turn around so that I can do the same to you!!





As I go through the day…when something interesting happens or I need advice… I look over at my phone looking at your number and knowing I cannot push the button…This hurt can be unbearable at times, and I have to turn away before someone looks over at me and sees the tears trickling down my face…. And asks me that dreaded question…”why are you crying Tammy”



….and as the day turns into night, when I want to grab, you…hold you tight and feel safe in your arms….and go to sleep with my head on your chest…reality hits me hard, and I realize I will be going to bed all alone….with only thoughts of you, and to know when I wake…the other side of the bed will be empty as it always…and I’ll have to face yet another day….wanting….wishing….hoping…praying…that I could rewind time, and take you when I had the chance…truly…my only regret!



What I want you to know…is…We belong to one another, just missed fate…and that I can, and I am living with…what my ending is…..you at a distance…



Just remember when you need someone… I’ll always be holding your hand, and tip toeing to reach your ear.. to whisper in your ear…”It’ll be okay baby”…..



I’ll end this letter…as I wipe away the tears….I hope this reaches you…

Yours truly,

And forever

*~*Tammy*~*