My Thoughts

Metamorphis

2010-04-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

I've gone through a Metamorphosis... I'm nothing like I was..amazing it is and not just because..

I'm stronger, smarter and a so much more wise..and to most this is a pleasant surprise...

Before you would have never known, it was me... I've let lose and now finally free...Of what was holding me down from being the person, I knew I wanted to be.. with a contagious laugh, have permanently turned in my frown..

Though this Change is far from complete.I know I have won, and defeated the person.. I never wanted to be...

*~*~Tammy Martina*~*

"Unexpected"

2010-02-05T17:05:00.000-08:00

Something told me He would be sweet...Just wanted to stay up on my own two feet..

Having told myself, all alone is just so peaceful, to never mess it up by meeting new and interesting people...

Down my Path here we go, I cannot believe it is so...That his smile did it all...oh my goodness it is True...I'm gonna Fall.

Never having experienced "Love" as it was truly meant to be.. I'm going to focus on letting go, and being me... Loving to my fullest potential.. this time it is essential...Never second guess..or play games..just adore the sparks..and feel the flames.

So...with my hand held out, and my heart on my sleeve..I know what was meant to be will be..and this I have the patients to wait and see.. and never again will I be Naive...

*~*~Tammy Martin~*~*

Choices

2010-01-01T12:22:00.001-08:00

Of all the choices I have had to make in my life, I think about “what was behind that choice that brought me to make that choice…. at that very moment in my life”

Every choice I have made, no matter how small has been a part of what I am, and where I am… Today.

I dread that some choices were because of my being selfish, while others may have appeared to be a selfish act, when I knew the turn out would benefit all involved.. As I look around me today and think…Most of my choices, were not for the best and that is obvious, but during the bad choices.. Great ones were made, that led to the best things that has ever happened in my life..

Some of the bad choices have led me to meet some of the best people I have ever known, taken me on Journeys I never thought I’d live to see.. Some bad choices led me down the path that made me a mother of 3 Beautiful children, and a wedding my Mother was able to see 3 months before her Death..

So, some of the choices I have made, I would not change if ever given the chance to. Through it all, I have found someone I never knew existed, sadly that person, is “ME” and some yet to understand me, but is it understanding I desire, or is it that I desire no understanding at all? Either way, my life is what I make it, and no matter what else happens In my life, I know who I am, and what I want, and “what has not killed me, has made me STRONGER”

"Christmas"

2009-12-12T11:03:00.001-08:00

As we celebrate the birth of the new born king…Smiles on all our faces, it shall bring…

We hang our stocking and sit by the fire, and read a story…”To God this day we give the Glory.”

We thank you for the gift of your only Son, for all our sins… It is HE who was hung.

In our lifetime.. we will have love, sadness, and sorrow.. This we know.. and we are so very Thankful, for yesterday.. Today.. and Tomorrow..

Your name on High.. We rejoice and Sing….… Immanuel, Lamb of God, Our Holiness, Light of the World… Ha-lle-lu-jah….Ha-lle-lu-jah…Ha-lle-lu-jah…

So, on this 25th day of December we will always rejoice, and Remember…The reason for this Season…”JESUS……Jesus is the Reason for the Season…. Merry Christmas

"From this Day Forward"

2009-12-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

At a loss for words, I'm going to do my best to get out what is laying heavy on my heart...

For all these years I've tried to be in control, and what happens??? I've put onto myself a lot more heartache and pain, than I wanted or need to endure...

It's obvious my being in control, is not at all a good judgment call...for if I'd have let go of my Ego, just a t-tiny bit,and laid my life into the hands in which they truly belong...I'd be going down a different path , with out as many tears shed...

What I'll do now is... live from day to day and let he who made me guide me in the direction HE sees fit, regardless if it's what I want... Maybe my wants, are not what I need..

From this day forward, I'll go in to the direction I feel pulling me, and not let my EGO pull me the opposite direction, because I do not know how much more unnecessary roughness I can withstand...

Father, my hands are in yours, where they should have been from the very beginning, forgiveness I pray, and in my heart you are now, and will forever stay!

*~*~Tammy Martina~*~*

"Fade to Black"

2009-11-21T11:18:00.000-08:00

Just sitting here wondering when it was I lost you… For it was not brought to my attention.. nor do I recollect a conversation that would have given me one clue..

It hurts..I cannot lie.. but the really sad part.. is I’m not all that bothered..don’t know if it’s because I expect to be hurt..or if it is because I refuel to feel, the bitter pain, of a broken heart..

I wanted so badly for you to be the one.. and I thought I found my other half..the one I could pour all my love I have to give into…Now only shall I bare another scar for everyone to see.. instead of your love tattooed on my heart…

I moved forward….though my prayer is that you forgive me… For I am completely erasing you from my mind…by the time I finish this sentence and by the time I count to 3 you never existed to me… 1….2…3… Fade to black

*~*~Tammy Martina~*~*

"The Wolf"

2009-11-21T10:46:00.000-08:00

As I bid you fare well my Sir…I want you to know where I now stand.. with two feet on the ground and my heart completely shut down..

Though I learn from experience all I can do is Thank you…”you may ask why” well let me enlighten you dear Gentlemen…

While you promised you were different I fell for all the sweetness, that came out of your mouth..I let my heart open fully for the first time in my life and I trusted you with all I have… and come to find out you hurt me worst of them all..

So now I take this experience and I have learned the best experience of all..Sheeps attire must not be scarce, and the next time I’m approached I will look at everyone as the wolf they are until I am certain the sheep’s clothing is not coming OFF..

Thank you.. for one more lessoned learned…I am now an even better person, and when I do find my soul mate, I will even more to offer…

2009-10-20T17:36:00.000-07:00

A sadness awakens my spirit...I feel like I've lost you...
Although I can still feel your breath as if you are trying to tell me something...

No matter what you might have to say...trust in me enough to know I can handle it..be what it may.

Amazing you are..but I've only known you from afar.. Don't misunderstand my words...without you in my life, I'd be lost...Though my heart will, as always fully mend..

My dream for the future is to hold you through the night...to look into your face, until it is no longer young...To look forward to the day my name is unfamiliar to those who know me best...

To have the question from time to time.."where's your other half?" when I am out walking alone..

With my spirit now wide awake and this heavy on my heart...Never will my happiness fall apart..for everything happens for a reason... but, with my hands folded I pray...you in my life your will forever stay...

shh.. Please don't tell him.. I LOVE HIM!!

2009-10-18T19:08:00.001-07:00

Shhhhh….Please don’t tell him… that I love him

.. ..

I was just minding my own business when along came a distraction, I was only hiding from.. a year had gone by and I was just fine with the thoughts of me, myself, and I for the rest of my days..

.. ..

For some reason, I was drawn to this person, can’t explain why, I just was… found myself finding silly reasons to let him know I was there.. from, leaving notes “hi have a good day,” to “Happy Easter, hope you and yours has a great one” not really expecting replies, just putting my self out there… come to find out.. he had been doing the same thing…”Hey girl, what’s up?” “Come out and see us” Etc. Etc….

.. ..

Still I thought I was just going to let this person know I was there, and then…that would be it… turns out.. this person, I was reaching out to, was coming closer and closer into my life, and instead of fighting it…I just went with it, not just because but it felt like it was meant to be but because, it was like I was being pulled by a force, that knew something I did not!…also he made me feel like I have never felt in my whole life…

.. ..

Every day that passes, I wonder if I am going to be the girl, he wants to spend the rest of his life with….Is this too good to be true.. this one..??? A sweet Dream, or a beautiful Nightmare? I find my self dreaming often, of the way it will turn out.. the wonderful dreams are amazing… he and I having breakfast together out on the patio, or on a trip for a anniversary, celebrating a many beautiful years together.. but there are times where I wake up in the night,…from a nightmare… trying to shake it.. where he’d would be saying something similar to… I have to let you go baby!!

.. ..

This is a long distance relationship, and I cannot tell you just how faithful I am, and can be… I always pretend, he is just out of town for something to do with his business, that makes it so much easier…When He comes to visit me, I act as if he is finally home, and all I want to do is hold him, look into his eyes, and try not to cry, because I know I only have a few short hours with the man that has taken my heart…

.. ..

The man that has taken my heart happens to be strong willed and has his mind on his dream.. and I want to be all the support he could ever ask for, and when his dream comes true, and there is a painted picture.. I want my fingerprints of love all over it…. Not for any reason… but to be the woman that stood behind him, whispering encouraging words into his ear… “This dream belongs to you baby…go get it!~ “

.. ..

I have a tattoo on my heart with his name on it.. and I want him to see it more than I have wanted anything in my life!! But, with the fear of this is too soon, makes me hold it that much longer... The words.. I love you baby… are at the tip of my tongue on a daily bases, every single time I think of his name.. but.. I am scared those words will be too much for his sweet ears… Someone asked me if I was falling in love… and I said… what do you mean… ? Falling??? I fell a long time ago.. But the difference with me.. is.. I have all the patience in the world to see where this goes… the most amazing man has come into my life, and I want what was suppose to be… to be.. not what I want it to be…

.. ..

So if you see my sweet baby walking by… shhhhh.. please don’t tell him.. I love him!!!

.. ..

.. ..

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

Judge your Neighbor Not

2009-09-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

It was back in the early 80’s…My cousins, and I were always so terrified.. that we would be taken away from each other… you ask why??? It was because my cousins, were half black and half white, and we just knew that there was going to be a race war.. that made my cousins choose a side… and we all knew they chose there black side more.. and me being white.. we would sit together in the grass and cry our eyes out! So sad.. we were only 6-9 years old, and we had to worry about something of this nature!! We should have been dancing in the rain instead!!

This is a world that we have been given to enjoy,,, to love and cherish all we were given.. our heavenly father above is the creator of all.. all men…all women…all races… are you telling me…we have people out there who are prejudice of color and religion,,… etc etc.??? It’s 2009 FYI

I have noticed..those who pose to be such die hard Christians tend to be the most prejudice of all… sad I had to actually say that.. but I have witnessed it all my life..Judge us not.. for we have a father above us.. who is the judge of all… everything we are.. and have ever done.. for that I am scared…

So now I say…We in 2009 are actually going to have a problem with a Man.. our President Obama.. Merely for the color of his skin?? I think I am dreaming…am I stuck back in the 50’s?

I am not one to care about politics….Not one single bit!!! I confess.. but today.. someone told me a story.. and I have thought about this all day..Is is really the color of this mans skin that some parents are not wanting there children to watch him on T.V.. that all classrooms have participated in all these years.. I’m 33 and I remember watching Ronald Regan in school as a child…don’t remember parents having a problem at all about it…

Please tell me I’m wrong…and I cannot even begin to tell you how tired of all the Mexican comments, and the Gay comments…Can’t we just all get along.. you know.. some peace in the middle east….

The next person sitting beside me may be of another religion, race, or sexual preference…does that mean I am better, because I am a straight white women?? What would I gain, if I chose to disregard them as a human being because of it..?? Cannot think of a gain.. only a loss.. a loss that they might be a wonderful person.. Great mother..great father.. future President.. the person that might be signing my check in a year or two.. etc. etc.

We were all made by our father in heaven.. we are all brothers and sisters..and we should live as such.. It’s sad that we are in 2009 and we still have all this prejudice in our lives..I am scared that this ignorance will be rubbed off on my innocent children.. I have raised them.. that no one is better.. we are all created equal..and why would you hurt Gods creation…I’m actually very proud of the way my children look at everyone as equal..and I am so proud they have lived in the lifetime to see that our President of the United States is a strong.. Intelligent Black Man.. raised by a single mother might I add..

So the next time you point your fingers, or judge.. look yourself in the mirror first, and ask.. exactly why am I better than this person standing next to me?? I dread to tell you..You are not…simply put…

I hope you were able to take something positive about my writing.. I would love any comments you have…on this topic.. I am open for discussion..

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

"When you feel you have found.. the one and only"

2009-09-07T15:45:00.001-07:00

I can truly say this is the first time in my life I can honestly say.. “ I have never felt this way” We’ve all been there.. you get into a new relationship and feel like your so in love and this person is the “ONE”. Even though you find your self in a situation where your uncomfortable with this person..and you notice you cannot be yourself around them… That they have taken away everything you ever loved about yourself…

.. ..

But….when you find a special person that makes you feel like your walking on a cloud and not only can you be yourself…but you’ve found that you are an amazing person who deserves nothing but the best...and you feel like you have never felt in all your life…

.. ..

I have finally found that person…that makes me smile no matter the situation..that just being on the phone with him and hearing his voice, makes me want to cuddle in his arms and rest from all the days hard work… when something is on my mind and bothering me…the only words I have to hear that makes it all better are “Want to talk about it baby?”

.. ..

I do know that only time can tell.. and it takes getting to know someone fully, to know if they are the one who will complete you…Not one word at this moment can express my true and full emotions on how I feel about this wonderful person, that has come into my life..

.. ..

Now all I can say is…I’ve finally feel safe enough to let my entire self go.. my heart is on my sleeve for all to see..I’m giving this one.. all I’ve got.. Not only do I feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world..I feel safer, and happier than I have ever felt in all my life..this is an amazing feeling and I hope I can make him feel just as wonderful as he does me..

.. ..

So here is to letting go..to love, to the hopes of having found the one true person that will forever complete me and everything I have ever dreamed of…

.. ..

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

"My War Zone"

2009-07-30T01:01:00.000-07:00

Every where I turn.. I am surrounded by what would be your embrass..Never had the chance to feel the comfort of your arms… I am now left with….. everyday…wondering…dreaming of what could have been…

What was it? The question I will be haunted with for the rest of my life… I have never felt so sure of something…. . I have never felt so….taken….

But my whole world came crashing down, when a few days went by.. I did not hear from you..and when a whole week came…I then knew.. my what I thought was “My Meant to Be” “My Fate” was never mine to begin with…

Once again.. I went out with an open heart and an open mind.. with out my Armor.. so now I have fresh wounds that will forever be the scars others will see…

And now as I Start back to my war zone.. building my four walls, and getting suited for my armor..Some will still occasionally see a tear going down my cheek..for I fear.. I will never be able to shake the pain I now carry as a tattoo.. down my entire body..

As I leave off into the battlefield yet again.. I want to leave you with...you were.. the what makes me get up in the morning.. you were the what makes me work harder.. and the what brought the most amazing smile to my face..and I hope and I pray.. you can bring that to the luckiest girl in the world….

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

Taking my passion for a ride

2009-07-25T00:07:00.000-07:00

On a daily bases I meet such fun, interesting people.. with so much talent, drive, and Passion… I guess what I am trying to say..is..I’ve finally found something I am envious of.

I’m not an envious type of person.. don’t get me wrong.. but in this last year this time last year.. to be exact.. I have finally found what is my “LOVE” my “PASSION” and I’m finding it pretty hard to turn it into..My life.. my.. what I do..The what I wake up in the morning for… the what puts a smile on my face…

I cannot think for the life of me..what it is I’m letting stop me.. 1) Am I scared of success? 2) Am I letting money get in the way? 3) The usual Negative comments from
My family get in the way of what I feel I want and can do..saying.. “Oh that is too much work.. you’ll never be able to accomplish such a goal!!”

I think it’s a combination of the 3…BUT I want to believe so much that I have the drive, and passion…I know it is there.. I can feel it at the tips of my fingers…about to explode like lightning bolts..It just all came at such a late time in my life.. I am finding my self wishing I can turn back time to when I was 21 again ..and all of this talent, and maturity and the way I see life be right here right now!!

Though sadly I am having to deal with this,,. Right now..this very moment.. I know I have said this a billion times… there is NO MORE.. “Coulda’s” Shoulda’s” or “Woulda’s” It’s now or never.. and I chose Now… No more watching other people live out their dreams.. while I sit and watch and wish…”that were me”

So here’s my promise to my self…and nothing… NOTHING but death will keep me from it.. I will achieve my full goals.. I will put my passion and talent onto the street for everyone to see, and to enjoy…. and to be touched by it, and to make memories.. I have a talent I cannot be selfish with… I’ve brought beautiful tears to many.. and I’m not stopping now…I will put this to the test.. if I fail.. then I failed trying.. and that alone is far better than not trying at all, and wondering for the rest of my life.. “what if.. I had done this.. or that”

Scared or not.. Here I GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*~~*Tammy Martina*~~*

"You are the Tattoo on my Soul"

2009-07-19T20:00:00.002-07:00

One more day has passed..that I was unable to see your sweet face…Feels like I have been waiting an entire decade for your return.. Although it has not been that long..I’ve lost time..

The phone rang today..I said hello about 5 times..and there was no one at the other end.. I was worried, it might be you telling me.. you were not coming home to me.. that you found another life, and you wanted me to pretend as if you never existed!!

I fell to my knees..I believe I cried for what felt like two hours…I screamed out so loud..I know the neighbors across the way heard me.. when I wiped the last trinkling tear away..I started to stand.. and all the energy left my entire body..

So for the time you are away.... I am at war…War because I am fighting the thoughts within my heart..that say he may never return…that say…He was never mine to begin with.. I am scared.. I will lose you before I even get the chance to make you fall in love with me…

I hope I am wrong… and I pray you forgive me for these thoughts…for I have never felt this way in my entire life…it’s so powerful at times.. it takes my breath away…and when it returns..tears start to flow… and nothing I do.. makes it subside..

I keep thinking of the walls I had that surrounded me for so long…all it took was your voice.. and they came crashing down…No one..in all my years..could have said one thing to make my walls fall down around me…No matter how hard they tried!!

….and this…this…is only the beginning? These new feelings….are more amazing than I have ever imagined.. they are better than any fairy tale movie I have seen……even better than Cinderella..and That story has made even the strongest at heart shed a tear…

No matter what happens…I just want you….to know… you are forever in my heart…you are the Tattoo on my soul…that will never go away…

Some are brought into your life.. just to pass..and to be forever forgotten.. but there are those who belong to you.. and that..is when you have a Mark…a Mark of LOVE..a mark of LIFE..the TATTOO on your soul.. that says….. “A Higher Power…HAD to know what they were THINKING..”

Forever together.. if not in physical Presence…..A mark on my soul you will forever be!!

Yours truly, and forever,
Tammy Martina

"You are the Tattoo on my Soul"

2009-07-19T20:00:00.001-07:00

In a New York Minute

2009-07-15T22:46:00.001-07:00

In a New York Minute…It could be all gone…said and done…Not another chance to speak out and say what I should have, could have said..at that very moment..that exact situation..

So before that happens… I am gonna say all the things I’ve been wanting to say…there is not always going to be that second Chance…

As I say all these things…I am going to try not to cry…Not for sadness…but for the relief of knowing…That no matter what happens to me…You will know my every thought my every wish…

So you have to promise.. you will not laugh at some of the things I have to say..for they come from the bottom of my heart..and the pit of my soul…

From the Moment…you said.. “I’d love a chance to get to know you” It was then…I had to see where this would go...Even if it came to an abrupt end.. I want to know.. if the Angles above us knows..something we do not…

I had built walls around me..so high…so strong.. Superman couldn’t even break through…but the moment I heard your voice…those walls came crashing down.. After they came down, I walked out from all the debris and dust…it was then… I knew..a higher power had put us in each others path..and I do not think I will be able to fight this.. to be perfectly honest.. I do not want to…

Every time I look into the mirror…all I can see is you staring back at me…when I lay my head on my pillow at night.. I can feel your warmth beside me,.. whispering into my ear..good night…I hope to see you me dreams…

The question in the back of my mind right now.. is.. Are you too good to be true? Some would say…”What is too good to be true?” I can elaborate and tell you… to good to be true…to me..is when that other person you are falling for is every thing you have always wanted to see.. to hear..to know.. when everything that comes out of their mouth is music to your ears..when a call or a text makes you nervous..and when you imagine standing in front of this person,…there is a feeling of every emotion all at once..that to me.. “Is too good to be true”..

So…if We were to never speak another word…I will be in a place in my life..where I can say.. I have no regrets..of what I should have..could have said to this wonderful person..that to me…is too good to be true..and if I am dreaming..I do not want to wake..

For the day our paths crossed…is a day in my life..that will be forever ingrained into my heart…and imprinted into my soul…

Yours truly,
And forever..
Tammy Martina

I Hope this letter Reaches you.....

2009-07-03T16:39:00.000-07:00

As I lay here… I am wondering what this day will bring…Very thankful for one more day… To love…to cherish all those in my life!

I have had the honor of meeting some wonderful people in my life, and I do not know what I would do If I lost some of them…one in Particular…for losing him, would be a steak in my heart…

I cannot fully tell you how difficult this is…To let him in on my Secret…that I wake up thinking of him, and I go do bed thinking of him, would be un-heard of…and to be honest.. I cannot tell anyone this secret…I will have to hold it…forever

So what I am going to do is write a letter and put it in a bottle send it down the ocean…and hope…and pray it reaches him…. It would say something like this…..

…..Dear…Mr. Wonderful…

As I wake in the morning with the beautiful sun and warmth of the day, I wish you were lying next to me, so that I could lean over and kiss you good morning, and ask if you slept well…

As I step into the shower, while washing my hair, I wish you were breathing down my neck as you wash my back..and turn around so that I can do the same to you!!

As I go through the day…when something interesting happens or I need advice… I look over at my phone looking at your number and knowing I cannot push the button…This hurt can be unbearable at times, and I have to turn away before someone looks over at me and sees the tears trickling down my face…. And asks me that dreaded question…”why are you crying Tammy”

….and as the day turns into night, when I want to grab, you…hold you tight and feel safe in your arms….and go to sleep with my head on your chest…reality hits me hard, and I realize I will be going to bed all alone….with only thoughts of you, and to know when I wake…the other side of the bed will be empty as it always…and I’ll have to face yet another day….wanting….wishing….hoping…praying…that I could rewind time, and take you when I had the chance…truly…my only regret!

What I want you to know…is…We belong to one another, just missed fate…and that I can, and I am living with…what my ending is…..you at a distance…

Just remember when you need someone… I’ll always be holding your hand, and tip toeing to reach your ear.. to whisper in your ear…”It’ll be okay baby”…..

I’ll end this letter…as I wipe away the tears….I hope this reaches you…

Yours truly,

And forever

*~*Tammy*~*

"I smell a Rat"

2009-05-28T20:28:00.001-07:00

Blind as a bat oh my..I think I’m smelling Rat..just in case you did not know..I am will to put on a show…

It’s a small world after all…no one seems to notice, and truthfully, I’ve only experienced a shortfall

Forever grateful I am to have learned such great lessons…most people would actually call it blessings…

Mishaps, encounters and situations, are for us to deal with the best we can, and with out one single question…

But I have another way to put this….I walk along in an oblivious bliss…..

I live and learn, and take every thing with a grain of salt…for if I didn’t my broken heart would be my own fault…

Never broken, torn or forlorn, I will walk toward the storm….with a pure heart and an open mind….I chose to never rewind..

Never regret something that made you smile…and always always walk that extra mile..

~*~Tammy Martina~*~

"I Smell a Rat"

2009-05-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

Blind as a bat oh my..I think I’m smelling Rat..just in case you did not know..I am will to put on a show…

It’s a small world after all… Never forget it… I know your no St. Paul..

Forever grateful I am to have learned such great lessons…most people would actually call it blessings…

Situations, encounters, and Mishaps are for us to deal with the best we can.. hmm. Perhaps..

But I have another way to put this….I walk along in an oblivious bliss…..

I live and learn, and take every thing with a grain of salt…for if I didn’t my broken heart would be my own fault…

Never broken, torn or forlorn, I will walk toward the storm….with a pure heart and an open mind….I chose to never rewind..

Never regret something that made you smile…and always always walk that extra mile..

~*~Tammy Martina~*~

"It's getting Clearer"

2009-05-17T14:56:00.001-07:00

With every encounter it gets clearer and clearer as to why I feel the way I do. When I’m not with you. I miss you like a child misses her blanket, yet I Still manage to never let you see that side of me.. One reason is I am fearful that would only scare you away…

Sometimes I feel like I want to confess to you, that I want to share my every minute of every day with you, but for once.. I am taking baby steps, and I can admit, it’s very scary for me, because I have never done anything at a slow pace in my life!

I can also confess it’s one of the best experiences I have ever had! The not knowing what is next, if I do this, or if I do that, will it be the right thing to do or not to do, is a daily challenge, and what girl does not love a great challenge!!

I understand where you’re coming from, and I would never for my own selfish reasons try to change what you are all about! If this is meant to be, I will be honored to wait right by your side. I have learned great patience and this will be my true test!

The reason you’re worth the wait is because, I cannot Breath, whenever I think about you, and whenever someone says your name I get a pain in my stomach! That with out saying another word is all that needs to be said..

I do have one last confession…after these last few months, I have found, that your always on my mind, your who I dream of at night, and when you come around I get shy, and I pray every night that this is a never ending story…

Yours Truly

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

"My Desire for You"

2009-05-04T19:40:00.000-07:00

After Not seeing you for about Two weeks...The anticipation became overwhelming and I hoped that when I saw your sweet face I could control my hunger for you!

As I saw you coming toward me. My mouth started to water and my heart felt like it was going 90 miles a minute...I promised my self when I saw you, I would control my self.. the best I could..

But...when I saw that cute hypnotizing smile I could no longer have the control, I only hoped for... Just the smell of your breath took me over the edge and I felt as if I were going to explode!!

When our bodies touched and put my hands on your chest, and our lips together, with just the right amount of moisture all I could think of.. was what was next...

As I looked into your eyes, I silently begged for you to take me into the other room...I guess you read my mind because once our lips barley parted we were on our way...

Before we got to the next room, My body was on fire and My imagination was everywhere! My clothes were off before we even got to the next room!

As we laid on to the bed, everything you whispered into my ear was everything a girl could only dream of hearing! your soft touches and your hot breath on my ear was absolutely amazing and if that would have been the end.. I would have been more than satisfied!

As I kissed you from your head to your toe, you whispered the sweetest things.. I hope I have told you, you are the most amazing person I have ever met..If not..I must confess...I have never met another like you..

After all the love and passion... laying there in your arms was only what I hoped would be the beginning and I would never reach the end! I want to spend the rest of my life,,, in that very moment.. rapped in your arms and nothing, and no one in sight!

And now tonight as I lay here without you... I think about you, and I shall dream of you.. till the next time.. I see that sweet grin, and You rap me tight in those safe arms.. I adore the day.. you came stumbling into my life.. with or with out reason...Your here and that is all that matters!

With sweet adoration,

Yours truly,
Tammy Martina

"Down for the count"

2009-04-11T13:32:00.001-07:00

Down, for the count I have 10 seconds, to either get up, or lay there and lose..

As I lay there, my mind is still wondering... 5 more seconds pass which feels like a week...I wonder what I can do to make my life better.

Pretty Hard, because I feel so alone...Surrounded by so many but no one in Arms reach.

Everyone pretends to be there, but when you really need them, no one is to be found.. and that...Dumbfounds me.

I have 5 more seconds to be brave enough to take this thing called life (all alone) or lay there and lose the fight..

So I took a deep breath counted to three.. 1..2...3... I have GOD and that is all I need. 4 came and I stood up...at the count of 10 came and I stood up with my head held high...

I am strong..powerful, and am capable of so many things, and my goals will be accomplished no matter..

You'll never find me DOWN for the count again...I can greatly assure you!

I hope you can follow me, on my Journey to making my dreams come true, I am not going to waste one more unnecessary minute!

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

"The Storm Changed me"

2009-03-30T10:32:00.001-07:00

As the wind briskly blew past me, blowing my hair, I Looked over with a tear in my eye! I felt like Something was trying to tell me something!

I waited there dazed and staring up at the beauty of the storm coming..The rain slowly dripping down my face as I look up at the dark clouds!

The smell was of the sweet earth, so Natural and so Familiar, so safe.. Even when the lightning started to strike, I still stayed there froze in aw,...

I started running through the field, like a school girl, kicked up some dirt, and I laid down, in the grass..I have never felt so at peace! The storms swept through quick! As the rain stopped and the clouds started to part, the sun peaked through shining and lit the wet ground making it look like a million shiny Diamonds!

I started to cry, I had never seen such natural Beauty up close! Now the air is much cooler, I had to grab my jacket, I ran over to my Car and grabbed it.. Put it on, and the most amazing thing happened..

I realized, I was happy..No thoughts of life going through my mind.. no worries.. just peace! The most interesting thought came to me.. I want...When people see me coming.. I want for them see what would be a song, a magic melody...When I come around I want it to be as I am waltzing in and out! A song that would represent, happiness, love, and Joy.. all Genuine!

I want what is on the inside to match what is on the outside! Determination of the wind, the fear of the Lightning, the Strength of the thunder, and the beauty of the sun shining down on the wet Grass!

My life will now display pure true peaceful beauty! For the storm did not scar me, it changed me! And for that, I am a changed person, happy blessed..and at peace with my self! Amazed am I!!!

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

The Ghost You Turned me Into

2009-03-30T10:28:00.001-07:00

Written for my Friend!

Sitting and waiting for you to acknowledge my existence, is like waiting for snow in the desert! Where the word Satisfied has left, and The return is 1 in a million!

As we walk through our daily tasks, I look over at you with my defenses up, for only rejection is what I now receive.. At dinner I stared at you, and you never even looked over.. You pay attention to the kids, but it's as if you have been put into auto pilot, just motions, no true Value to our life here together as a family..

I walked out onto the Patio as you were coming in, No words exchanged.. I feel like I am the Ghost of the house that is there only to keep your chair and Bed warm.. though the middle of the bed is cold as ice.. It's been many months since we were both there together!

It's all alright, when I take that move, to become the Ghost you turned me into.. Then it won't be a Ghost you will have to fear.. It will be loneliness!

I look forward to the day I can look another in the Face, and they say my name with such adoration!

I have so many things to offer, and I cannot explain. For if I did, I would be wasting my words of sincerity, and that I will no longer do!

Broken am I, and you ask why do I chose the songs I chose.. They are the words that represent my life! You did not pick up on it, because you want to keep pretending this... this is okay..

You said forever and till death do Us Part.. Well.... Where did you go!? I am done... I want to be free.. walk on the beach and know that when I pass someone they will look into my eyes and treat me like the wonderful human I am, and not the Ghost you turned me into!

Finished I am now... so what do have to say about that? This turned cold heart, is finally pumping warm blood and I am not going to waste one more emotion nor one more minute of my life on you..

I have to go live for me now, and find myself.. I hope that you can do the same! I once thought it was you I would love forever, but that is not our ending! This ending, is now my Beginning and you are not included!

Now you can go lie in the Bed you made.. Now you will see just how defenseless you really are! No more chances..no more us...Now if you'd step out of my way.. I have a life to live, and and ready to introduce to the world...Me..

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

"My Safe Haven"

2009-03-24T16:10:00.001-07:00

As I lean up against your chest while we watch a movie is by far the most comforting, and Safest place I can recall.

They say.. "Time heals all wounds" and I say "Time is the healer of all things"

Taking one day at a time to learn your sweet routines, and your dislikes, and likes is like having a favorite episode and cannot wait till the next weeks show to see what happens..

I've had some rough times and been down some bumpy roads..But through time I have realized it is by my own choices and decisions that I took those paths and wrong turns.

..But I must say Because of those rough times, and bumpy roads I have learned that the only roads I want to travel upon are smooth as silk.

So to make a long story short what I am trying to say is your the Peace in my life, the friendship that I adore, and the long awaited conversation that makes my day complete.

The journey of getting to know you is by far the best trip I have ever known, and words at this time, cannot express the way I am feeling!

*~*~Tammy Martina ~*~*

"Waiting to Exhale"

2009-03-24T16:09:00.001-07:00

Still trying to catch my breath from the moment we met face to face, because of what I have been through in my past, I am still waiting to exhale.

You've already given me 1,000 reasons to exhale, yet I am still a little weary.. Although stronger than many I fear the pain of a broken heart.

I have said so many times I am letting time take a hold of this one.. for when I take charge things get out of hand!

I have learned to trust, and know I am only receiving the truth, and I am only delivering the truth.. for deception is the root of all problems to come..

Together or at a distance I am comfortable in knowing that no matter the out come It will be as it was meant to be, and nothing more or less..

Though until the timing is all right, I'm still waiting to exhale, but thankfully in this case I do believe, and know it's worth the wait!!

*~*~Tammy Martina~*~*

"Love & a Glove"

2009-03-17T20:07:00.001-07:00

Sitting...waiting..anticipating this thing called love.. It should fit like a comfortable glove.

But..what you get sometimes is a glove that's either to big or little, not perfect or in the middle..

You have to trade it in..if you want that perfect fit, or settle and never really admit..

That it's not exactly what you wanted..and never had the heart to be confronted..

Love is amazing if it's something your lucky enough to find.

Oh...But when you find that glove with the perfect fit..Never let it out of your site and know...deep down it's alright...to realize what you have is a gift from above and you've finally found your own true love...

*~*~Tammy Martina~*~*

You took me by surprise!!

2009-03-12T12:12:00.001-07:00

I
truly thought I 'd come to meet you in person and trust what I thought
would be the case.. That I'd come and say my Sweet Hello's and how do
you do's and then, there would never be another Face to Face...

But..When I looked into your amazing eyes, I was drawn to you, and that came to me as a sweet surprise..

As the night grew on I still wanted to fight it, and go home..but all
it took was one of your breathtaking smiles, and my Gig had been
blown...

So now my Gig is up...I am in disbelief because
I'm feeling nothing like I have ever before and it's surprisingly a
great Relief...

From your eyes to your hands and back to
your breathtaking smile, I want to get to know you better and go that
extra mile of making this worth all the while...

I'm
getting to know you as each day goes by, and I'm still wondering if
I'll ever have the feeling as I've had in the past..and truthfully I
pray Not..Because that's the reason it would never last..

So different this time it shall be..And thankfully so..For this time I have introduced the Real Me...

*~*Tammy Martina*~*

Interview with 22 year old Virgin Selling Her Virginity!! This Friday

2009-02-24T19:17:00.001-08:00

Interview with 22 year old Virgin Selling Her Virginity!! This Friday

Posted using ShareThis

Did I say I was perfect??

2009-02-04T21:29:00.001-08:00

If I thought for one minute every thing was meant to be understood.. I would most likely have driven my self mad!

I am so strong when it comes to things that I don't understand.. Why people chose to do the things they do, with no remorse, no...I should not have done that kind of thing!

Life is to short to argue your point...but you still have to live with..."Why don't I say something" I refuse to let someone know they got to me.. cause then I feel like I lost... I feel like I win, because I don't fight..

Some say.. Tammy Now that might be your ego, hmmm? I do not have an ego problem.. maybe my problem is I am human.. lol

That saying.. "Some things are better left un-said." I live by that..The story..what's bothering you will eventually fold, Just like a Card game.. That is one thing I am certain of.. It's the waiting.. you know..? I say I have patience but at times.. the waiting on is Hard as CAN BE..

I am thankful for the good, bad and the ugly, because if not for one.. I would not understand and respect the other! also....GOOD things come to those who wait..

SO what happens to those who don't wait? Is that an immediate LOSE? I have rushed somethings in life.. Hence the My life's not perfect appearance I withhold...

I Know that when you think.. The most horrible thing is happening...But sometimes when somethings not right..or goes wrong, it turns out to be a blessing in disguise. I have experienced that..

Nothing...No one on this earth is Trouble free, or free of Problems.. I might be in my situation and envy the next person.. but that next person to my dismay, might be struggling with a drug addiction I never knew about.. For that reason alone.. I never wish to have or be the person standing beside me, no matter how flawless they or their life looks..

It's all with in yourself/myself to overcome this, that bothers you.. I always do.. and I always do it with not one word being spoken.. For if I were to argue or fight my point...what would I have to gain? Nothing but regret, that I opened my mouth.. and that is not something I am willing to do..

*~*~Tammty~*~*

Interview with Major and Indie Artists

2009-01-16T07:51:00.001-08:00

2008-12-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

Rise and Shine "Hero"..I was just thinking about you...You want to dance with Me in the Rain? I know it's not always rainbows and butterflies, but I can see it now out on the horizon..the sun is shining and my once blank Canvas is now bright and colorful...

When I see your face my heart sings out a Melody..and all I want to do is Surrender all my Love to you..This Path I am going down, I only hope it's along side yours..because if not..These Blue Sky Eyes will only shed tears, and my Smile as Big as New York City will be no more..

I want you to be real in my life and not just a Friendly Ghost. Remember there's no place that's called to far, In an airplane or a downtown train, just say the word, and I will be there...

Thoughts about you never leave my mind, I don't wanna live my life wanting to rewind..I want to look forward to every day where I can look down and see your footprints..
Circumstances and people change, but I don't care what they say, because every thing happens for a reason and I believe your an Angel in disguise, because of you now I feel like I can move Mountains...I not only surrender my love to you but every thing I hold within me...

I want to show you everything and how love's suppose to be..To make your dreams come true....With every passing day that passes me by is just another chance for me to say how much you mean to me...

~~**Tammy Martina**~~

For "Brittany Spears"

2008-12-08T10:18:00.001-08:00

Just wondering who gave you the Right to Judge me...Be Careful...First you gotta make sure your hands are clean.. You wouldn't want to be the calling the Kettle black now would you??

Did you know that when you judge me and make your ugly remarks about me and my life it Hurts... I am a human just as you are...

When I am walking down the street with my child holding hands and having a mother Child moment, did you even think to see me then.. Me holding my baby and laughing.. Did you take pictures of that?? NOO

When I was out dancing with my girls, I bet you saw me then. With my short dress, and My high heels.. You got pictures of that too didn't you? Why is it so important for you to see the other side of me..?

Did you ever notice my accomplishments..? Or do you make the most money when you get my down side? I guess you do because the other day when I was walking to the park with my baby, and he fell down, I was there to kiss his boo- boo, I did not see you with your big Camera Shining it in mine and my babies eyes...Where were you then? Taking pictures of others down side..? I am pretty certain you were!!!!!!

What I do is my passion...Besides my babies, it's my life, So When you out Stalking my every move, I would appreciate it if you could Turn your flash off, for it hurts my eyes... My life is my life and I want to live mine as you do.. Privately... Personally I do not think anyone needs to know I had my hair done today, and I accidentally fell up a stair or two..Or didn't you know that? How would you feel... Your human, so I know it would not a be a lol moment for you either..

I appreciate you reading this.. We are all human... Just because someone is Famous does not make them a SHOWCASE at the Museum. So before we all make our judgments, lets make sure our hands are spic&Span.. I know mine are not...for I do not judge a soul..

Yours Truly, Tammy Martina AKA MotorMouthPromo :)

My Radio Show

2008-12-05T06:01:00.001-08:00

"I've Just Realized"

2008-12-02T20:52:00.002-08:00

At this very moment I feel like I am about to Explode.. I am overjoyed because I just realized something I can do...

......I can make you smile and laugh..You Probably do not understand how it could make me so happy..

Well the truth is, From the very day I met you, It was a personal goal I had set for myself.. I wanted to make you feel like you make me feel..Happy that the time we are together is exactly what you would want at that very minute, noting else..

For the couple of Minutes or several hours, I want you to feel as happy as I do right now..

Like I say all the time.. "It's Not Often Someone Comes Around That Makes You Forget The Rest of The World Actually Exists..." that is how I feel every time we are together...

Here is a poem I wrote for you today... I hope you like it..

Thank you for the pleasure of making you Smile, I hope to see it once in a while..

Does not matter if we are working or doing a craft, I hope to also make you laugh...

So..In the next couple of days months and years, I pray to never see tears..

But, If I do I will wipe them away and see you through your trying day...

I will always be here if you ever need me...Does not matter if you are down the street or gone for miles...I'm just happy for all the smiles...

Poem or not..These words I write are true...I also wanted to thank you for letting me in..Now I have seen another piece of your soul...

A Happy Day for Me...
~~**Tammy Martina~~**

"Memories"

2008-12-02T20:52:00.001-08:00

....You Know...It does not matter if I'm laying down in bed, or listening to music, or reading a book...It never FAILS..Something reminds me of you...

I'm the kind of person who will set memories to everything.. I can be shopping and smell your scent..and my heart jumps, and adrenaline pumps, and a memory of something we have done together goes through my mind. Making me wish I could go back in time and see your sweet face..

Just the other day I saw the shirt I had worn the first time we met in the park Down Town...a Memory hit me so hard...a tear ran down my face. There are times I will avoid all it takes not to drive through downtown..

All the memories I hold within are usually so wonderful, it's just hard to face them when I know I might not see you for a while..Then Truthfully, I avoid as much as I can, that might make me think about you...because it hurts..It is a Hurt that pierces my heart and soul, and takes my breath away...

There are some days I can't even listen to music, because sometimes it sounds like it's your voice I am hearing.. I know that sounds a little crazy but it more true than I can ever tell you...

...But for the first time in all my life..I have been so so strong and so Brave.. Not letting it take me over...

I am letting each day go by as it should... Not fighting for what I want, what I need.. I am letting it go on it's own...I am going to ride it out...

What happens...Happens.... I am letting fate take this one, because all the times I let what I want get in the way... AND this time No matter the outcome.. I win... And you know what? That feels mighty good...

~~**Tammy Martina**~~

I wrote my Thoughts down today

2008-12-02T20:51:00.001-08:00

My day has been filled with thoughts of you... So I decided I would write down every thought that came to me...It kinda turned into a song...

I just wanted to tell you today, that I have been thinking about you, and all you do...What you bring to my life...makes me stronger....makes me work harder..&..longer..and I'm loving what I do....all because of you...

If you ever look behind you or in front of you and get scared....Just look beside you and I'll be right there...

Never will I hurt you, or Tell your secrets..I have you and everything you tell me locked tight and I have thrown away the key!

Now I am celebrating this reunion, and pray It never ends. For the day you came back into my life, my use to be black and white world is now In color...

It does not matter the time or day...you can count on me...My hand is always reaching out to you..and if you need encouraging words, just stand still for a moment and listen carefully, for I have always been there whispering encouraging words in your ear...

Blessed the day our Paths crossed..

~~**Tammy Martina**~~

SoundClick Widgets

2008-12-01T23:14:00.001-08:00

"Your Journey"

2008-11-29T20:30:00.001-08:00

This life changing transition your going through...I wish I had been there from the very beginning.. We went down two different paths, and our paths finally met at a crossroads...

I could not be happier to be going through this journey along side you, or at least being a part of your life watching you transform..one small day at a time...

This Transition you are going through will enable you to live the life millions can only Dream of....

From the day back in August when are paths crossed, I knew I had to set aside my selfishness, and let you transform into this amazing thing.

Because I knew I would have a sweet and wonderful friend, that would not always be there to call upon when I need a hug, or someone to talk to when I go through different chapters in my life...

So when your gone for weeks or months at a time, I am truly happy for you, and I try so very hard to not let you see what emotions accidentally come to surface...for example when that one tear comes rolling down my face... I so quickly wipe away, before you see it..

Last night I had left the television on while I tried to drift into a peaceful sleep, I woke quickly to what I thought was your voice, and your sweet face...I guess it was just a dream, for I woke up to a message from you saying....."I hope you have a great day"...

I want you to know that through this transition, you may not ever feel it...But I will always be standing behind you and holding your hand..and whispering encouraging words into your ear...

Bless be the day you came back into my life... For that.. I am thankful...

~~***Tammy Martina***~~

ConcertFinal3shorter

2008-11-26T11:24:00.001-08:00

Lance Music Video

2008-11-25T11:29:00.001-08:00

"Merry Christmas... I hope you enjoy it as much as I do...

Tour of the House with Tammy Martina

2008-11-17T14:22:00.001-08:00

Run Away ( 2008 live acoustic leak)...LANCE

2008-11-16T12:40:00.001-08:00

New "Leak" Video From lance

Add this to your MySpace, Here...You will love it...

2008-11-13T09:44:00.001-08:00

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Past..Present...Future

2008-11-09T17:17:00.000-08:00

Disguised as an Angel you are... You came from a far....From my past you once belonged, but the timing was all wrong....

It takes losing each other to realize you belong to one another.... Friends are hard to find, and sometimes years have to go by just to wish you could rewind....

Now what I am trying to say to you is.......I hope my walk through the rest of my life have your footprints all over it, and mine all over yours....

So happy I have found you,, I could not imagine my life with out you in it...
Thank you for your friendship and your words of wisdom.......Because of you some people have said "You have changed" but The truth is....."I have finally found my self.......

Blessed to have you in my life........I have some days that go by, that the best thing to have happened was a message from you...

I adore you in my life, ~~**Your Friend,
Tammy Martina**~~

Freaky Girl (mista freezy Ft LANCE)

2008-11-08T17:40:00.001-08:00

"Mista Freezy" Feat. "Lance"

EVERYWHERE I GO (G Side Ft LANCE)

2008-11-08T17:39:00.001-08:00

"G Side" Feat. "Lance"

Face to Face

2008-11-06T10:30:00.000-08:00

As I woke I tried to scream, nothing came out. My voice was gone. I rolled out of the bed and ran to get a drink of water... As the water hits the back of my throat, I think of everything that could be causing my voice to be gone.. Not even a hum would come out....Never being so scared, I quickly got dressed and took a jog through the neighborhood, to get my mind off of this..

As I jog, My neighborhood seems to be all rearanged so differently, looks like a different town, where am I?? I fell to my knees, put my head down....Took a deep breath... Okay, What is going on... Five more deep breaths I opened my eyes..... Standing before me was a friend I had not seen for 13 years...

He took my hand, pulled me toward him, and hugged me like there was no tomorrow.I will never forget how he held me. He felt like an angle, so soft and warm.His voice made me melt. He smelled like heaven. He looked me in the eyes and said. "Come with me, I will tell you why your world seems so different today." So eager to hear his words I followed him, did not care where we were going..

As we sat under the weaping willow Tree, He put his soft hand on my cheek and said " Don't you remember praying last night? You prayed to run into someone who would change your life for ever. To give you an inspiration no one will ever take away." I looked right into his eyes and softly said,.......Yes

As he was leaving, he said. "Now remember your world, your thougths, How you view life, and all that surrounds you, will Never be the same.. It's up to you to keep it this way, or let it all go back the way it was...Before you choose... Take a look around. What may come of this might be more than you can handle..But I know by the look in your eyes, you have finally come to where you have always wanted to be...."

When I could not see him anymore, I cried harder than I had ever cried in my life. I wiped my tears and said..... That was not the last time I will see him...

Tammy Martina Burks

Truthfully have been inspired!!

Thank you L.G

"Through the Crowd"

2008-11-06T10:25:00.000-08:00

I saw your face through the crowd today. It made me smile so big. Yet my heart hurt.

As I heard your voice, tears just dripped down my face. Scared you would see me, I wiped them quickly away.

Have I ever told you, that you have the most amazing voice I have ever heard? When I hear your voice, it takes my breath away.

I watched a movie today, It reminded me so much of you, it was a about song writing. At the end of the movie I just cried and cried, wishing I could hold you one more time...

Through the crowd I whispered softly...I miss you and everything about you. I know you did not hear me, I just hoped somehow I'd get your attention and you would look over at me with your sweet sweet grin, and put your hand out for me.

I know life is not always rainbows and butterflies, but I do wish in this case it was. There is something so special about you.

When I'm with you a joy I have never known fills my heart. You make me laugh so hard, I can barley recover before you make me laugh again... Not many people have that affect on me..

As the crowd dissapears, I walk toward you with fear, scared you would pretend you did not even know me. As I came closer I saw many people coming up to talk with you.

While you were occupied with that, I slipped a letter in your coat pocket. It read: I think about you every day wondering where you are. I know life for you gets a little hectic going from town to town, and state to state, as you become more successful. I also want you to know how proud of you I am.. And I wanted to thank you for the all the inspiration, you gave me... Thank you...

I wish you joy and happiness...When we meet again. I promise to hold you and tell you to your face, how much I have missed you. Till we meet again.

Take care, and be who you are, for that is what they all love.... Tams

"Crying"

2008-11-06T10:20:00.000-08:00

My Thoughts

A Cry from deep within me has been held back for some time. How long can I hold it in? It's painful, and I want to let it out... I'm scared who will see me. For someone to see my weakness, is not something I am ready for. I so many times pretend to be so strong... Stronger than I am...

When Life seems to get out of control, naturally I start to control other parts of my life. I want to control everything, from what I eat to who will love me.. For most this is impossible, and everything happens for a reason.. I know that.

The guy I adore most in this world, doesn't even know...Our lives are so different.. it is so true... I do not want to admit it...

This makes me feel out of control sometimes.. and on the outside everything looks normal.. but...on the inside it's like a volcano. This is not something I want people to see.

I have a pride that somewhat overwhelms me, most parts of my life...When I think about him I melt, and I take a while to recover from the thoughts of him. The way he touches me. The softness of his sweet lips, how he looks and sounds like an angel when he talks softly to me. These thoughts are what puts me to sleep at night.. These thoughts are also my dreams!

This is what hurts me on the inside...I want to cry.. I think maybe, if I put my pride on a shelf and let it all go, I'll feel so much better, and I can put my emotions into words. I will become the person who I might not want to be. Some one who lets people see their weakness.

What I want, I may never get. Who I want may never even notice me.

I feel the cry it's on the edge of my cliff waiting to fall.. This is the cry that puts you down on your knees, and your hands over your face, the cry, that between breaths, you feel like you are not getting air...

The kind of cry, when your done, you shutter for some time, but what you are feeling is an emotion you have yet been able to put into words, no matter how hard you try...

After my long hard cry, in between the shutters I wipe away the tears so I can see. Memories appear, in my mind. The first time I heard his sweet voice, and the first time he kissed my lips. It's all still there...I just feel so much better...

I have decided that crying...actually feels good.. When it is over, and after the shutters, there is a feeling of relief. It still does not change anything, but it is a release.. A release from all the hurt, and all the things you cannot control.

A good cry,, once in awhile....is not all that bad...

2008-11-05T21:39:00.000-08:00

"Trust Me"

Have you ever wondered if you can trust someone? You really never know.. Even if they say.."You can trust me".....

What I am saying right now is. I.. with all my heart and soul and everything I hold within me... I want you to know you can trust me.. You can trust me with your secrets. You can trust I will never gossip about you, and trust that I care for you for Who you are, Not what you are...

If you ever need a shoulder to cry on...or just a listening ear, you better believe I will be right here for you..If You need an opinion I will give you my very best..

There has been times, I have looked into your eyes and almost seen your soul. You are full of wonderful and amazing things. It's not often someone comes along with the determination and Soul that you have. I am honored to be your friend.

You don't know this. But the last time you were here, I held you through the night and I wondered if you felt it. I knew you would soon be gone, so I held you tighter and whispered in your ear. "I love it when you are here" and when you woke and said your goodbyes I held in a really big cry. So I said my good bye.

I cherished every moment we had together...And I loved the windy weather. Until we meet again... Trust me... I am a true true Friend.. Never will I dishonor you. "It's not often a hero comes along" I promise you, you will never walk alone.

A friend to you forever,
~*Tammy*~